Sunday and Monday nights, Mike and I noticed that Blair had begun making a very loud, high pitched chirp in her sleep, but it didn't last very long so we chalked it up to her weird little noises. Tuesday night she went to bed around 8:30 and spent the ENTIRE night doing the chirp, but we noticed it was also followed by a period of not breathing for about 10-15 seconds. She would gasp for air and breath normally for a minute and then chirp, not breath, and gasp again. The pattern continued for her full night of sleep (9.5 hours). I knew that periods of lapsed breathing is normal in infants so I wasn't panicking quite as much as a FTM probably should have, but the noise was unsettling. I recorded it on my phone so I could let the pediatrician hear it. Mike and I barely got any sleep that night.
The next morning I watched her do the breathing pattern while it was light enough to see her face and she turned blue around her mouth and on her eyelids during the periods of not breathing. Her chest was rising during that time though, like she was trying to pull air into her lungs, but the air was getting stuck in her airway. So Wednesday I called her pediatrician, who told us to go straight to the ER. We took off for Columbia, where she was born, assuming they would just tell us we were being silly first-time parents and everything was fine.
They checked B's vitals and asked us a million questions. No fever, no symptoms of being sick, no change in behavior or sleep. The ER doctor ordered a chest X-ray and they tested her for RSV and the flu. The X-ray was clear, no fluid in her lungs and the tests were negative. The ER doctor said he was concerned about the way she had turned blue and said she could have a heart problem. He explained that any structural problems with the heart could present at around 6 weeks of age in babies, but that the hospital did not have the ability to do further testing on such a tiny patient, so they were going to transfer us to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital for more specialized attention. Cue heart-sinking panic.
Blair and I were whisked away to Nashville in an ambulance to the VCH ER and Mike followed in our car. Blair thoroughly enjoyed the ride, and slept the whole time, even as the EMT and I put stickers on her legs, arms, and chest for en-route monitoring. We arrived at the ER where I answered another million questions, played the recording for a few respiratory therapists and the doctors. Everyone was a bit perplexed by her issue, especially the loud chirping noise, but it was agreed that her symptoms did not suggest a heart issue.
They checked B's vitals and asked us a million questions. No fever, no symptoms of being sick, no change in behavior or sleep. The ER doctor ordered a chest X-ray and they tested her for RSV and the flu. The X-ray was clear, no fluid in her lungs and the tests were negative. The ER doctor said he was concerned about the way she had turned blue and said she could have a heart problem. He explained that any structural problems with the heart could present at around 6 weeks of age in babies, but that the hospital did not have the ability to do further testing on such a tiny patient, so they were going to transfer us to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital for more specialized attention. Cue heart-sinking panic.
A bit unsure about being strapped to the gurney to go into the ambulance |
Ambulance rides are really good for sleeping. Weirdo! |
The doctors then told us that the game had changed and protocol called for a full infections panel, which includes bloodwork, a CT scan and a spinal tap. It was absolutely terrifying. I asked how necessary the spinal tap was, as she hadn't shown any sign of infection or illness and didn't have a fever. The respiratory therapists said they would suggest holding off on it for now to see what the bloodwork and CT scan showed. Blair behaved wonderfully during the CT scan, with Mike and I by her side shushing her and keeping her calm.
However, then two nurses came in the room to place Blair's IV and draw blood. I cannot even describe the heartbreak and sickening feeling in my stomach as I held her head while she screamed. I tried to be strong for her but I shed quite a few tears myself. The nurse failed to get the needle in her little hand, and then stuck her in the arm twice before finally getting the IV in. They drew a bunch of blood and then pumped her full of saline in preparation for the spinal, if indeed we needed it.
Lounging with her belly out in the hospital crib |
After the consult with the team, Mike left to head back to Clifton for a few hours to grab us a change of clothes and sign payroll checks (we couldn't let B be the reason 25 people don't get paid!). I finally got my hands on some food at noon - my first meal in 24 hours. While he was gone the ENT came in for an initial check and was also quite interested by Blair's funny chirp. He said they wanted to do a scope of her nose, throat and airway down to her voicebox/larynx to check for cysts or inflammation. If they didn't find anything on the scope, he said they would probably do a deeper scope, which requires anesthesia and an operating room.
I was then instructed to feed Blair for the last time before the scope, but wasn't given a time for when that would happen. She only took 2.5 ounces before refusing to eat any more and then fell into a deep sleep. Fast forward to 3.5 hours later and she's screaming her head off because I can't feed her, she's starving and the damn ENTs are stuck in a surgery they're not sure when they'll finish. I was sobbing, holding her in my arms trying to comfort her, while listening to the heart monitor beep like crazy because she was so upset. It was awful. I still tear up and feel guilty when I think about it. I'm her MAMA - the two things I'm supposed to be able to do are feed her and make everything okay. There were a lot of
Finally a nurse came in and said they were going to switch our room again, in preparation for the scope. Because the hospital was still full they were moving us up to the Pediatric ICU in the cardiac unit, where there was an empty room. The nurses there were absolutely AMAZING and they were a huge source of help and comfort for us. By this time it had been 4.5 hours since Blair ate and she was inconsolable. The ENTs showed up to do the scope and found inflammation on her larynx and extra, floppy tissue on her voice box. The ENT said he would file his report with the pedi team and they'd give us the final diagnosis. I finally fed Blair and she conked out for a well-deserved, snuggly nap.
All hooked up in our PICU room. Snuggled in her little nest! |
We were kept overnight again on Thursday so we could meet with a feeding specialist the next day to have her suck/swallow pattern evaluated as well. We attempted to administer Prilosec at two separate feedings, but she puked up her entire bottle the first time and couldn't even keep down just 1oz at the next. We waited a couple hours before trying a non-medicated feed and she chowed down on 4 ounces. Poor thing.
We each got 4 hours of sleep on Thursday night, bringing my total to 7 in 48 hours, on top of the terrible night of sleep on Tuesday. Needless to say, my ability to subsist on adrenaline alone has certainly increased since having a child! The nurse took Blair's blood again that night to check her white count. My mom arrived the next morning for moral support and to help us recover over the weekend. The feeding specialist stopped by mid-morning and said Blair was the poster child for suck-swallow and just suggested that we avoid placing her flat on her back to keep her reflux under control. All things considered, that's easy!
After Blair's white count came back as normal, we were finally discharged on Friday night and it felt wonderful to be home again. We missed sleeping in our own bed - hell, sleeping at the same TIME - so badly. I don't know how NICU/PICU moms handle it, they are truly the strongest women in the whole world.
Home. Sweet. Home. |
A big ol' smile for SnapChat haha |
We celebrated St. Paddy's Day tonight with a nice meal of corned beef, potatoes and carrots. It feels so good to be home and moving forward.
Happy Paddy's Day! (Thanks to Auntie Karagh for the shirt haha) |
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